Saturday, May 28th
I woke up feeling totally fine and normal like any other day. The next day I was going to be hitting my 40 week mark. Zach had left early that morning with the dog to spend the better part of the day at our land an hour away.
At about 10:50 AM, I noticed some liquid running down my leg. It was such a small amount that I didn't really think too much about it. I went to the bathroom, and right away after I came out, there was more liquid. Then I decided to get into the shower...and it just kept happening in little spurts. I finally decided about an hour later that maybe I should call my doula (my good friend, Michelle) and see what she thought. Without hesitating, she told me I should definitely call the midwife (Kathy). So I did...and she pretty much knew from what I was explaining to her that it was my water leaking but that she would come over to my house soon and test the fluid to confirm it. I guess I had always expected that if my water broke, it would just come out in one big gush...the way it happens in the movies. Plus...only about 15% of women have their water break before labor begins. In any case...I called Zach and told him he should probably head home because I thought something was definitely happening. Kathy came over soon after and tested the fluid and confirmed that it was indeed my amniotic fluid leaking...slowly but surely. She then informed me that this was the beginning and that contractions should kick in anytime in the next 2-10 hours. All I could think was..."Is this really happening??!! Am I seriously about to have this baby??!! What am I supposed to do while I wait around for contractions to start??!!" I got completely overwhelmed and excited and nervous..and a million other emotions.
Everyone left, and Zach and I decided to go on a walk around the neighborhood. I was really feeling the baby very low down in my pelvis and I said a silent prayer that God would take care of us on this journey ahead. I still couldn't believe this was going to be happening. Zach and I walked hand in hand in excitement before eventually making our way back home.
By about 6:30pm, I started having stronger contractions, but still about 15 minutes apart. We pulled up the online contraction timer on thebump.com to help us keep track of things, and then decided to put in a Harry Potter movie and snuggle up on the couch. I kept trying to snack as much as possible because I knew I'd really be needed my energy later. Michelle came over around 7:30 and we continued watching Harry Potter (we ended up watching all 6 movies..and a couple of them twice throughout the labor) and chatting. Things were still very lighthearted at this point. Contractions were about 10 minutes apart now and lasting anywhere from 20-45 seconds. I was able to breathe through them pretty easily. At about 9:30pm, I went up to bed for about an hour to sleep. It was hard to get real sleep between contractions, but I knew I needed it.
After my nap, I came back downstairs and labored on the birth ball for awhile longer. We continued our Harry Potter marathon while chatting in between contractions.
Sunday, May 29th
Then at about 1:30AM, the power went out (we found out later someone had driven into a utility pole). So we lit candles all around the house and used what was left of both laptop batteries to play music and continue with the contraction timer. Zach and Michelle also periodically boiled water on our gas stove to add to the birth pool to keep it warm since we still had no idea when it would be time for me to get in (I had to wait until close to the end because of increased risk of infection due to my water breaking so early). Eventually, both laptops ran out of battery power and Michelle kept track of my contractions old school style by timing them with her watch and writing them down on paper. It was very calm and serene not having any music or background noise and candles lit all around...but at the same time, it was an environmental change that I wasn't planning on and it threw me off a bit.
Around 3am or so...contractions had gotten much closer together and were lasting at least a minute, so we finally decided to call Kathy (midwife) and Mandy (the apprentice). Contractions were tough, but I was excited that things were getting more intense. I was really hoping to meet this baby soon. After everyone else got here, they took turns sleeping in the 2 beds upstairs while I continued laboring. Things were moving along for awhile, but eventually my progress started to slow down. The power came back on around 6:30am, and contractions were about 7-8 minutes apart and lasting a little less than a minute. By about 8am, things had really slowed down a lot and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get very discouraged. Meeting our sweet little baby had seemed so close before, but now felt so far away all of the sudden. Kathy suggested that Michelle and I take a walk (Zach was getting some much needed rest at this point).
So Michelle and I headed out of the house around 8:15 after a quick bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. I figured we wouldn't really run into anybody in the neighborhood because it was so early, but I was wrong. We made it to the next street over and a girl (probably around 12 or 13 years old) came out of a driveway across the street from us. She said "good morning" and we said "good morning" back to her. She seemed pretty harmless at this point. But then she crossed the street towards us and we immediately could tell something was off with her. She smelled terrible and had extremely dirty clothes on. She got very close to us and was very much invading our personal space as she went on and on about how there were people doing drugs in her house and how she was going to go into another mans house and stab him and how she had kissed a married man and he gave her presents. She obviously had some sort of a severe mental disorder and had an extremely disturbing and frightening presence. Michelle went into an extremely protective mode and put her hand on my back and pushed me along as fast as I could go. Meanwhile, I am just praying hard to myself to not have a contraction because I did not want to stop for even a second while this girl was around (and I didn't...it was as if my body went into total flight or fight mode). We finally came to a point where we could make a turn towards my house and eventually the girl went the other direction. By the time we made it back inside, we were extremely shook up and couldn't believe what had just happened. This encounter had pretty much stopped my labor altogether. Contractions had spaced out to about 30-45 minutes apart and only lasting about 20 seconds or so.
Kathy, Mandy, and Michelle went out to breakfast around 8:45am to give Zach and I some time alone to regroup. After they were finished, they suggested they all leave for awhile and give Zach and I the afternoon together. I didn't want to admit it, but having them all around was slowing me down because I couldn't seem to get out of "hostess" mode. It's just the way I am. When people are in my house, I want to take care of them and make sure they have everything they need even thought I knew at this point that what I needed was to think solely of myself and my task at hand. So, I agreed that it might help if they left until things picked up again. Before leaving, Kathy asked if I wanted some help getting things going again...but also let me know that it would absolutely fine if we left things alone and let them go on their own. I was already so tired that I definitely felt as if I could use some help. So every hour for the next 4 hours I drank a mixture of castor oil and blue cohosh root. This was as much intervention as my midwife ever normally does. I had already been taking an echinacea tincture, a garlic capsule, and a bioflavonoid vitamin ever 4 hours to help fend off any infection from my water breaking so early.
I decided to head back upstairs and try and get a bit more rest while things were slow. I was definitely feeling a bit sad and discouraged at this point. After my nap, I knew a shower would really help. As I let the warm water wash over me, I literally said out lout to myself that "this is a fresh start". I really needed to shake off everything that had happened in the last 24 hours and give myself permission to start anew. I came downstairs feeling re energized and ready to take on the day. Zach was definitely happy to see me looking more refreshed.
So around 11:30am Zach and I took a quick car trip to the grocery store to pick up a few things and just get out of the house for a little bit. I decided I did not want to have a contraction in the middle of the grocery store, so I waited in the car with the dog. When we got back home around 12:30pm, we continued our Harry Potter marathon while eating lunch and snuggling more.
Finally, around 2pm, contractions started more regularly and intensely again (about 7-10 minutes apart and lasting 50-60 seconds). I got back on the birth ball for awhile and Zach and I were really enjoying spending the afternoon together. We were getting really excited again that we'd be meeting our baby soon.
Monday, May 30th
People took turns sleeping upstairs again, but Zach and Michelle stayed with me pretty much the entire time and helped me to labor. I was surprised to find that I did not want anybody massaging me or touching me very much at this point. They were both so great about reading what I needed and would simply place one hand on my leg or arm with each contraction and it was comfort enough to just know they were there with me. We finally had to turn off the Harry Potter movie (yes, we were still watching them) and turn on some light music. I moved around from the ball to the couch to standing as I sang along with Iron and Wine between contractions. Each time one would start, I would find myself going into this incredibly deep part of myself and letting out the most primal sounds my body could make. It was the only way I could stay on top of the contractions. I kept thinking about how hard it was to inhale during them and tried to make the moans last as long as possible. I tried to visualize flowers and doors opening and kept reminding myself to let go and surrender to the incredible power of my own body. I was feeling so incredibly tired and delusional. I simply didn't know how I'd ever have the energy to push when the time came. At one point, I just looked over at Michelle who was so lovingly sitting with me through it all, and told her I didn't think I could "do anymore of these". She told me it was going to be really hard, but that it was all going to be worth it and that it wasn't going to last forever. I really needed to hear that, because I simply couldn't see any end to it all, as foolish as I knew that thought was. Michelle was such a blessing to have with me and such an incredible source of strength. She had both of her babies at home and I knew if she could do it...so could I. At one point, she told me that something that really helped her get through the hard parts was imagining she was walking hand in hand with Jesus and that he helped her to get to the end of each contraction. So that is what I did. Zach was also an incredible partner through everything, and I simply could not have gotten through it all without both of them there. I felt so lucky to have them.
I was feeling incredible pain in my back with each contraction and nothing I did would give me any relief at all. So finally (somewhere around 3am probably...I definitely had lost track of time at this point), Michelle suggested that I get into the shower and let the warm water run over my back. I waited until the end of the next contraction and then rushed upstairs and into the shower. It really did feel good in there...but the contractions started coming faster and harder all of the sudden. I grabbed on the walls with each one and moaned like a lioness in the wild. I would briefly leave my body with each contraction and fly into labor land. I didn't know how I was ever going to get myself out of the shower...but I finally did and as I came out of the door, Michelle told me Kathy wanted to check me again. Michelle had been standing outside of the bathroom timing my contractions and had let Kathy know that they were suddenly less than 2 minutes apart and lasting something like 90 seconds long. As Kathy checked me, I started to have a really intense rush, and in the middle of it she let me know that I was 7cm dilated and that I could finally get into the birth tub. All I could think was "HALLELUJAH!!" The contractions were on top of each other now, and I had little time to get it together in between.
I rushed downstairs and hopped into the tub as fast as I could and it felt so good to finally be able to sit in the warm water. I felt so weightless and thankful for the little relief that I felt. A couple of incredibly intense contractions later, I could feel the baby move through my pelvis and the birth canal. I blurted out "I feel something coming out! Can I push??" Kathy quickly said "go for it!" I had gone from 7 to 10 cm in just a few minutes and I couldn't believe it was finally happening. Transition was super hard, but probably the best part for me because I could finally see an end to it all. So with my next contraction, I bared down as hard as I could. I was on my knees at this point with my arms and head hanging over the side of the tub. I still did not want anybody touching me but I remember looking into Zach's eyes and seeing the joy in them. I didn't know how I was possibly going to get this baby out of me...but I knew that it was going to happen somehow and soon we would have our family all together.
It had been an extremely long weekend, but I learned so much about my own strength and power throughout the whole birth experience. I discovered a part of myself that I didn't know existed. I am so grateful that I was surrounded with such a wonderful and loving birth team and that I was able to have the home birth that I had always dreamed of. It was the hardest, most spiritual and most magical thing I have ever done.
Our hearts our full...our lives are complete..and we are just so happy our sweet little Lucy is here.
